020 protective parathion/savin hand lotion

parathion, a byword for E 605, is an insecticide. its usaage is prohibited in Europe
-http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parathion

but not its storage. theoretically, you could buy it even there
-http://hp-compounds.de/shop/ReferenceMaterials/Pesticides/Parathionethyl.php5?suche_on=1&suche=SR

it "is rapidly absorbed through the gastro-intestinal tract and the skin"
-http://www.forensicscience.pl/pfs/43_marques2.pdf

"fatal human overdose occurred by ingestion, inhalation, eye, and dermal route."
-http://www.acutetox.eu/pdf_human_short/38-Parathion%20revised.pdf

dermal route means... skin contact the data on the lethal dose is obscure. via ingestion, it may be as low as
10mg or as high as 40g or even go beyond that "in most cases, the immediate cause of death is asphyxia (inability to breath and suffocation) following paralysis of respiratory centre in the brain"
-http://www.acutetox.eu/pdf_human_short/38-Parathion%20revised.pdf

in his book, Maurits Verzele mentions a case where a peasant, after he dropped a coin into a bucket of parathon, took off his glove, reached for the coin with his bare hand. and died. protective parathion hand lotion will protect you from having to endure life any longer.

juniperus sabina, a shrub, useful for intoxications. "symptoms include, among others, queasiness, cardiac rhythm disorders, spasm, kidney damage and hematuria. death finds the patient in a state of central paralysis and deep unconsciousness. the internal administration of 6 drops of the volatile oil is lifethreatening for humans"
-"PDR for herbal medicine", p.664

rubbing savin oil into your skin can already end in a fatal case. and is therefore an alternative to parathion.
sadly, it isn't sold in any ordinary shops, because "savin oil is considered too poisonous to use as it contains podophyllotoxin that destroys cells and has resulted in fatalities. the oil is banned from sale to the public in many countries due to its toxic effects"
-http://www.essentialoils.co.za/essential-oils/savin.htm

you'd probably have to extract it yourself from the twigs and/or leaves via steam distillation.

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