introduction

„think of the plans we make for our lives […] our plans feed our daydreams. we stare out windows imagining loves fulfilled, futures blessed with success, riches, fame, recognition, and respect. we hope and we build ever more elaborate plans to hide our disillusionment as each hope slips away. then one day we awaken to find ourselves buying lottery tickets to patch these ludicrous fantasies together as they turn to nothing“
-Evan Harris Walker, from 'the physics of consciousness', p. 2

things will never get any better. you can exert yourself as much as you like, and for a while it might look like there's a way out of where you were put into and want to get out of, in the end you'll come to find that there never was any opportunity to grasp at and hold onto delight and ecstasy, blithe sublimitiy, self-fulfillment and acknowledgement, those lavish luxuries that were held just above your head, seemingly within reach, in actuality, though, not. you will grasp at nothing. that's how things are supposed to be. try to defy this and
"the clouds will part and the sky cracks open and god himself will reach his fucking arm through, just to push you down, just to hold you down. stuck in this hole with the shit and the piss and it's hard to believe it could come down to this. back at the beginning. sinking. spinning" 

-Trent Reznor, "the wretched" 



all that's worth being ambitious of, will slip through your fingers again and again. but since you are reading this now, you have learnt this by now.

i guess a mixture of some barbiturate + some antiemetic or other kind of substance that prevents vomiting, like it's being used in Switzerland and Belgium and the Netherlands for euthanizing people, is not really up for debate anymore.

"in the good old days you could get barbiturates. now of course you can no longer get barbiturates, because barbiturates are very useful. besides sleeping for one night you can sleep forever"
-speech from 1994, "on socialism in health care", https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC9r3Gs8XuU

but there's other ways that look promising and are within many people's (?) reach.

here are the methods that maybe may be considered worth considering.